What The Bible Says Good Samaritan's Penny Pulpit by Pastor Ed Rice

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday.

Today's category: CopsDon't Say This To A Cop? ? ? ? ? ? 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.? ? ? ? ? ? 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..? ? ? ? ? ? 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?? ? ? ? ? ? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!? ? ? ? ? ? 5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?? ? ? ? ? ? 6. I pay your salary!? ? ? ? ? ? 7. So, uh, you on the take, or what?? ? ? ? ? ? 8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!? ? ? ? ? ? 9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.? ? ? ? ? ? 10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around-that's how far ahead of me they are.? ? ? ? ? ? 11. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of money from the bank robbery, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.? ? ? ? ? ? 12. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: PastorsFalling Off The Horse? ? ? ? ? ? The old time pastor was galloping down the road, rushing to get to church on time. Suddenly his horse stumbled and pitched him to the ground. In the dirt with a broken leg, the pastor called out, "All you saints in Heaven, help me get up on my horse!" ? ? ? ? ? ? Then, with superhuman effort, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side.? ? ? ? ? ? Once again on the ground, he called to Heaven, "All right, just half of you this time!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: GodWoops? ? ? ? ? ? A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.? ? ? ? ? ? Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.? ? ? ? ? ? She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding by. She arrives in front of God and complains, "I thought you said I had another 30 years."? ? ? ? ? ? God replies, "I didn't recognize you."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DrunksGive Me A Push? ? ? ? ? ? A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.? ? ? ? ? ? Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.? ? ? ? ? ? So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.? ? ? ? ? ? "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"? ? ? ? ? ? "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.? ? ? ? ? ? "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you," she says.? ? ? ? ? ? "Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter, and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"? ? ? ? ? ? "But the guy was drunk," says the husband.? ? ? ? ? ? "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere, he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts,? ? ? ? ? ? "Where are you?"? ? ? ? ? ? "I'm over here," the stranger replies, "on your swing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: CrimeFrom the Mouth of Babes? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny's kindergarden class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. ? ? ? ? ? ? One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ? ? ? ? ? ? "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." ? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny asked, "So, why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend