Today's category: MilitaryVery Brave Men? ? ? ? ? ? General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"? ? ? ? ? ? "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."? ? ? ? ? ? "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."? ? ? ? ? ? "I'd like to see that."? ? ? ? ? ? So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"? ? ? ? ? ? "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:? ? ? ? ? ? "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: Church SignsChurch Signs 1? ? ? ? ? ? 1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!? ? ? ? ? ? 2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.? ? ? ? ? ? 3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!? ? ? ? ? ? 4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."? ? ? ? ? ? 6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathScattered Ashes? ? ? ? ? ? A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments. As part of these arraignments she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.? ? ? ? ? ? She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales.? ? ? ? ? ? "Bloomindales!" the pastor said. "Why Bloomindales?"? ? ? ? ? ? "That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MothersYou're a Mom When? ? ? ? ? ? You know you're a mom when you're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, Not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: KidsTruths Children Learn? ? ? ? ? ? 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.? ? ? ? ? ? 2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.? ? ? ? ? ? 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.? ? ? ? ? ? 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.? ? ? ? ? ? 6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) School lunches stick to the wall.? ? ? ? ? ? 11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.? ? ? ? ? ? 12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.? ? ? ? ? ? 13) The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: FaithA Very Faithful Woman? ? ? ? ? ? An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"? ? ? ? ? ? Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"? ? ? ? ? ? Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"? ? ? ? ? ? The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."? ? ? ? ? ? The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."? ? ? ? ? ? The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

See previous "Grace Notes" Newsletters In this edition: 3 Fresh New PowerPoint Sermons 'ROUGH DRAFTS' Series - [gift download ends on Easter] Easter Resource Section. First Timer Info. from Pastor Jerry: "You are part of the 10% ... as a free subscriber you are special!  There are thousands of you, but for each of you subscribers there are 9 others who use our resources, yet don't receive this email, or the free sermons, deep discounts, and special offers that you do. We're happy to offer you our newest series, ['Rough Drafts' - scroll down] for a fraction of what all the others pay.  God bless you and HIS ministry thru you there!" Just released: 4/5/09 - "Cross" - Matthew 26:1-26:75 Jesus exposed the darkness in the hearts of men, but rather than stepping into the light, they decided to snuff out the Light. 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