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Oldies but goodies...

What The Bible Says Good Samaritan's Penny Pulpit by Pastor Ed Rice

Today's category: MiscellaneousSign of the Times - Plumber "We repair what your husband Fixed." - On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania "Don't sleep with a drip, call your plumber." - Pizza shop slogan "7 days without pizza makes one Weak." - At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." - Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?" - Sign at the psychic's Hotline "Don't call us, we'll call you." - At A Laundry Shop "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" - At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." - Billboard on the side of the road "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." - On an Electricians truck "Let us remove your shorts." - In a Nonsmoking Area " If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." - On Maternity Room Door "Push, Push, Push." - At an Optometrists Office "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place." - On a Taxidermist's window "We really know our stuff." - In a Podiatrist's office "Time wounds all heels." - On a Butchers window "Let me meat your needs." - On a fence "Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive." - At a car Dealership "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." - Outside a Muffler Shop "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming." - Outside a Hotel "Help! We need inn-experienced people." - On a desk in a reception room "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left." - In a Veterinarians waiting room "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! " - At the Electric Company "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be." - On the door of a Computer Store "Out for a quick byte." - In a Restaurant window "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." - Inside a Bowling Alley "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." - In the front yard of a funeral home "Drive carefully, we'll wait." - In a counselors office "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

At a recent donor event in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, I met a family who supports us. Their son had a unique item to show me—a Lego ark he'd built!

Ken Blackwell talks with Charles Payne on the Congressional race in Pennsylvania as well as George P. Bush's primary win for Land Commissioner in Texas....

“ON THE EIGHTH DAY MAN CREATED BEER.” So claims the Church Brew Works in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, a brewery housed in a former church building.

When was the last time that you did something really dopey? A few weeks ago I heard an audio clip of a 911 call made by a woman in Florida who was beginning to panic because her car battery was dead and she had locked herself inside the car. With a tinge of hysteria she begged for help because the power windows were disabled by the dead battery, it was getting very hot in the car, and she wasn't feeling well. However, she handled it with great aplomb when the operator told her to pull up on the knob for the door lock and then open the door. As the clip comes to an end, one can actually hear the dear lady becoming aware of her dullness. She plainly apologizes and bids the operator a good day. However simple minded she was, something must be said of her humility. In the very same week, a few thousand miles away, President Obama accomplished a first among American presidents. He performed perhaps the greatest breach of etiquette of any American president, living or dead. In England, upon meeting a member of the royal family, rather than the customary handshake, he bowed, bending deeply at the waist. One might initially think, being in the United Kingdom, that he bowed to her majesty the Queen. Sorry, try again. Our president didn't choose to bow to the jolly Queen. Barack Hussein Obama showed deep appreciation and humble devotion to the murderous enslaver, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Instead of reciprocating the bow, denoting equality and mutual respect, the King waited for the act of adoration to be complete and then shook Obama's hand. If you ask me, it was a pretty dopey thing to do for a man holding the highest office of the world's only superpower and leader of the free world. I would say very dopey, if I were to put it bluntly. Our president - however humble he tried to be, something must be said of his dimness. Although, unlike the security challenged lady in Florida who recognized her hilarious error, those surrounding our president refuse even to acknowledge the obvious. Therefore, the obstinacy continues to abound with a presidential aide denying that the bow was even a bow at all. According to Ben Smith of Politico, an Obama aide defended, "It wasn't a bow. He grasped his hands with two hands, and he's taller than King Abdullah." The ridiculous denial of an obvious act of fealty sounds like something out of the "my dad can beat up your dad" school of playground insults. Hint to the White House - admit it, move on, and don't make the same mistake again. Americans should not bow to anyone other than Jesus Christ. They should worship none other than God Almighty. We are a free nation, and our ancestors fought long and hard to ensure our liberty. Hence, the sight alone of seeing the Commander-in-Chief self-deprecate before arguably one of the five worst dictators in the world makes my blood boil. But for everyone at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to deny it, compounds the problem ten-fold. Learn this Mr. and Mrs. White House Aide, the American people are not idiots, but they are forgiving. We are not helpless, but we are trusting. Don't treat us like kids. Try treating us like adults, and maybe the same respect will be returned, with a firm handshake, instead of groveling genuflection. Yours for Portugal, Bro. Michael Andrzejewski Bro. Michael Andrzejewski currently serves with his wife and five children as a missionary to Portugal and is sent out of Milledgeville Baptist Church in Milledgeville, TN. For more information about their ministry please visit MBC Portugal Missions.