Notice of defective pastor

It has come to our attention that the pastor you received was shipped with a slight defect: he is not psychic. This defect necessitates certain special procedures to ensure optimum performance of your unit.
1. It is necessary to inform him of any members who are hospitalized.
2. It is necessary to inform him of any members who should be added to the "shut-in" list.
3. If someone you know is sick or otherwise in need of the pastor's prayers, or if you know of someone who should be included in the prayers on Sunday morning, the pastor must be told, or he won't know.
4. If you are in need of a pastoral visit or some other service from the pastor, you will get best results if you ask him.
We regret any inconvenience this may cause. If these special procedures create an undue burden, please feel free to send the unit back, and one with full psychic abilities will be shipped as soon as one becomes available.