What The Bible Says Good Samaritan's Penny Pulpit by Pastor Ed Rice

Read this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday.

Today's category: DeathThe Evil BrotheThe Evil Bro? ? ? ? ? ? In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.? ? ? ? ? ? The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.? ? ? ? ? ? One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.? ? ? ? ? ? Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother went to the local pastor and offered vast sums of money if he would come to the funeral and say the appropriate words, AND, a large bonus, but ONLY if he would - during the course of the eulogy -refer to his brother as "a Saint."? ? ? ? ? ? The pastor was troubled by the request, however, it was a very poor church and the church desperately needed repairs.? ? ? ? ? ? The Parishioners had heard about the pastor's dilemma and were curious as to what he would do.? ? ? ? ? ? The Funeral began, the church was packed, and the pastor started with the usual prayers and followed the rites and traditions as required by the churches teachings. In closing, after referring to the man in the box, he paused and turned to face the remaining brother.? ? ? ? ? ? He began, "As you all know, the departed was an awful individual who robbed, cheated, swindled and stole from everyone he ever did business with.? ? ? ? ? ? However, compared to his Brother, he was - "a Saint!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathA Dying Wish? ? ? ? ? ? There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. led down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.? ? ? ? ? ? With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.? ? ? ? ? ? Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"? ? ? ? ? ? "Those are for the funeral."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: ChristmasDesparate Measures? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.? ? ? ? ? ? Your Friend,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Now Little Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (Brat).? ? ? ? ? ? So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.? ? ? ? ? ? Yours Truly,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Well, Little Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle?? ? ? ? ? ? Signed,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Well, Little Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother was really wanting. He crumpled up the letter and threw it in the trash can and went running outside.? ? ? ? ? ? He aimlessly wandered about; depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Little Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.? ? ? ? ? ? Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.? ? ? ? ? ? Signed,? ? ? ? ? ? You know whoView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MilitaryVery Brave Men? ? ? ? ? ? General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"? ? ? ? ? ? "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."? ? ? ? ? ? "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."? ? ? ? ? ? "I'd like to see that."? ? ? ? ? ? So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"? ? ? ? ? ? "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:? ? ? ? ? ? "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: Church SignsChurch Signs 1? ? ? ? ? ? 1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!? ? ? ? ? ? 2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.? ? ? ? ? ? 3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!? ? ? ? ? ? 4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."? ? ? ? ? ? 6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend