Today's category: CreationWhy God Created Animals? ? ? ? ? ? A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?" Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."? ? ? ? ? ? And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."? ? ? ? ? ? And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."? ? ? ? ? ? And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."? ? ? ? ? ? And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.? ? ? ? ? ? After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."? ? ? ? ? ? And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."? ? ? ? ? ? And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.? ? ? ? ? ? And God was pleased.? ? ? ? ? ? And Adam was greatly improved.? ? ? ? ? ? And Dog was happy.? ? ? ? ? ? And the Cat didn't give a hoot one way or the other.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathThe Evil BrotheThe Evil Bro? ? ? ? ? ? In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.? ? ? ? ? ? The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.? ? ? ? ? ? One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.? ? ? ? ? ? Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother went to the local pastor and offered vast sums of money if he would come to the funeral and say the appropriate words, AND, a large bonus, but ONLY if he would - during the course of the eulogy -refer to his brother as "a Saint."? ? ? ? ? ? The pastor was troubled by the request, however, it was a very poor church and the church desperately needed repairs.? ? ? ? ? ? The Parishioners had heard about the pastor's dilemma and were curious as to what he would do.? ? ? ? ? ? The Funeral began, the church was packed, and the pastor started with the usual prayers and followed the rites and traditions as required by the churches teachings. In closing, after referring to the man in the box, he paused and turned to face the remaining brother.? ? ? ? ? ? He began, "As you all know, the departed was an awful individual who robbed, cheated, swindled and stole from everyone he ever did business with.? ? ? ? ? ? However, compared to his Brother, he was - "a Saint!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathA Dying Wish? ? ? ? ? ? There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. led down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.? ? ? ? ? ? With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.? ? ? ? ? ? Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"? ? ? ? ? ? "Those are for the funeral."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: ChristmasDesparate Measures? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Johnny, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead." After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.? ? ? ? ? ? Your Friend,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Now Little Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (Brat).? ? ? ? ? ? So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.? ? ? ? ? ? Yours Truly,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Well, Little Johnny knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.? ? ? ? ? ? Dear Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle?? ? ? ? ? ? Signed,? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny? ? ? ? ? ? Well, Little Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother was really wanting. He crumpled up the letter and threw it in the trash can and went running outside.? ? ? ? ? ? He aimlessly wandered about; depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considering his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church.? ? ? ? ? ? Little Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do. Little Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went home hid it under his bed and wrote this letter.? ? ? ? ? ? Jesus,? ? ? ? ? ? I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore up my sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate. I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.? ? ? ? ? ? Signed,? ? ? ? ? ? You know whoView hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MilitaryVery Brave Men? ? ? ? ? ? General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"? ? ? ? ? ? "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."? ? ? ? ? ? "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."? ? ? ? ? ? "I'd like to see that."? ? ? ? ? ? So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"? ? ? ? ? ? "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:? ? ? ? ? ? "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: Church SignsChurch Signs 1? ? ? ? ? ? 1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!? ? ? ? ? ? 2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.? ? ? ? ? ? 3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!? ? ? ? ? ? 4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."? ? ? ? ? ? 6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathScattered Ashes? ? ? ? ? ? A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arraignments. As part of these arraignments she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.? ? ? ? ? ? She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomindales.? ? ? ? ? ? "Bloomindales!" the pastor said. "Why Bloomindales?"? ? ? ? ? ? "That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MothersYou're a Mom When? ? ? ? ? ? You know you're a mom when you're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, Not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: KidsTruths Children Learn? ? ? ? ? ? 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.? ? ? ? ? ? 2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.? ? ? ? ? ? 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.? ? ? ? ? ? 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.? ? ? ? ? ? 6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) School lunches stick to the wall.? ? ? ? ? ? 11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.? ? ? ? ? ? 12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.? ? ? ? ? ? 13) The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: FaithA Very Faithful Woman? ? ? ? ? ? An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"? ? ? ? ? ? Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"? ? ? ? ? ? Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"? ? ? ? ? ? The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."? ? ? ? ? ? The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."? ? ? ? ? ? The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: FarmersAll Booked Up? ? ? ? ? ? A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non- antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable for the farmer and his new bride.? ? ? ? ? ? While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways...? ? ? ? ? ? At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.? ? ? ? ? ? Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy and I would nod my head and say 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't, it's all booked up for a year.'"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: LawyersYou Can't Take It With You? ? ? ? ? ? A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor and clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.? ? ? ? ? ? A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.? ? ? ? ? ? By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MilitaryYou Need A Sticker? ? ? ? ? ? A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"? ? ? ? ? ? The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."? ? ? ? ? ? "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."? ? ? ? ? ? The general said, "Drive on!"? ? ? ? ? ? The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."? ? ? ? ? ? The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"? ? ? ? ? ? The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DrunksA Long Night? ? ? ? ? ? A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.? ? ? ? ? ? However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.? ? ? ? ? ? "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: BlondesOne-Liners 1? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How do you confuse a blonde?? ? ? ? ? ? A: You don't. They're born that way!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Because it said "concentrate"!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Very Gifted!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?? ? ? ? ? ? A: There is white-out all over the computer screen!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: Why don't blondes have elavator jobs?? ? ? ? ? ? A: They don't know the route!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How do blonde braincells die?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Alone!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Blow in her ear!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?? ? ? ? ? ? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: How do you really confuse a blonde?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?? ? ? ? ? ? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Toes go in first!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Trying to hold on to a thought!? ? ? ? ? ? Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?? ? ? ? ? ? A: Third Grade!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: FaithOut Of Gas? ? ? ? ? ? A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.? ? ? ? ? ? The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.? ? ? ? ? ? Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.? ? ? ? ? ? As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: PastorsThe Answer? ? ? ? ? ? A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.? ? ? ? ? ? The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.? ? ? ? ? ? Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."? ? ? ? ? ? Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: PastorsBoring Pastor? ? ? ? ? ? An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.? ? ? ? ? ? "The front row please." she answered.? ? ? ? ? ? "You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."? ? ? ? ? ? "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.? ? ? ? ? ? "No." he said.? ? ? ? ? ? "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.? ? ? ? ? ? "Do you know who I am?" he asked.? ? ? ? ? ? "No." she said.? ? ? ? ? ? "Good", he answered.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DeathBumping the Wall? ? ? ? ? ? A funeral service was being held in a small town funeral parlor for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bumped into a wall and shook the casket. Hearing a faint moan, they open the casket and found out that the woman was actually alive!? ? ? ? ? ? For ten more years, the women enjoyed good health and then suddenly died. A ceremony is again held at the same funeral parlor. At the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.? ? ? ? ? ? As they make their way toward the door, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: MiscellaneousYour Boss and You? ? ? ? ? ? When you take a long time, you're slow.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.? ? ? ? ? ? When you don't do it, you're lazy.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.? ? ? ? ? ? When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.? ? ? ? ? ? When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.? ? ? ? ? ? When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss does it, he's being firm.? ? ? ? ? ? When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.? ? ? ? ? ? When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.? ? ? ? ? ? When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.? ? ? ? ? ? When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.? ? ? ? ? ? When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.? ? ? ? ? ? When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: PilotsWhat's The Problem? ? ? ? ? ? Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.? ? ? ? ? ? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"? ? ? ? ? ? "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: TechnologyFamous Writer? ? ? ? ? ? There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"? ? ? ? ? ? He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: PastorsRevival? ? ? ? ? ? After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.? ? ? ? ? ? The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."? ? ? ? ? ? The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."? ? ? ? ? ? The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: DoctorsMount Sainai Hospital? ? ? ? ? ? A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."? ? ? ? ? ? The voice on the other line said "Would you hold the line please, that's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"? ? ? ? ? ? She said: "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel in Room 302."? ? ? ? ? ? He said "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Farber, Feinberg -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."? ? ? ? ? ? The woman said "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."? ? ? ? ? ? The guy on the other end says: "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."? ? ? ? ? ? She said "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel!! My doctor don't tell me nothing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

Today's category: Church SignsChurch Bloopers 1? ? ? ? ? ? 1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.? ? ? ? ? ? 2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.? ? ? ? ? ? 4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.? ? ? ? ? ? 5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.? ? ? ? ? ? 6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.? ? ? ? ? ? 7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.? ? ? ? ? ? 8) Ushers will eat latecomers.? ? ? ? ? ? 9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.? ? ? ? ? ? 10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.? ? ? ? ? ? 11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.? ? ? ? ? ? 12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."? ? ? ? ? ? 13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.? ? ? ? ? ? 14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."? ? ? ? ? ? 15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend