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ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day

Clean Christian joke of the day.
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Today's category: PastorsThe Answer┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LawyersLegally Dead┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Journal of the Massachusetts Bar recorded this exchange between an anonymous attorney and a pathologist in a recent murder trial:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Did you check for breathing?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "How can you be so sure?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Even then, this would-be Perry Mason refused to throw in the towel:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Is it possible the patient could be alive, nevertheless?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "It is possible that he could have been alive," said the pathologist, "and practicing the law somewhere."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DeathBumping the Wall┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A funeral service was being held in a small town funeral parlor for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bumped into a wall and shook the casket. Hearing a faint moan, they open the casket and found out that the woman was actually alive!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ For ten more years, the women enjoyed good health and then suddenly died. A ceremony is again held at the same funeral parlor. At the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As they make their way toward the door, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsA Round Of Golf┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Three men went out to play a round of golf, Moses, Jesus and an old man. Moses tee'd off first, and the ball landed in the water. He parted the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jesus tee'd off next, and the ball landed in the water. He then walked on the water, and hit the ball in for a birdie.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Lastly the old man tee'd off, but before the ball could hit the water, a fish jumped out and caught the ball in it's mouth. Then an eagle swooped down and caught the fish. Lightening then struck near the eagle, frightening it, and it dropped the fish. When the fish hit the ground, it dropped the ball in for a perfect hole in one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Jesus and Moses turn to the old man, and Jesus said, "Dad, if you don't quit playing like that, we're not going to bring you anymore."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PilotsWhat's The Problem┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyFamous Writer┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PastorsRevival┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: DoctorsMount Sainai Hospital┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The voice on the other line said "Would you hold the line please, that's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She said: "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel in Room 302."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He said "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Farber, Feinberg -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman said "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The guy on the other end says: "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She said "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel!! My doctor don't tell me nothing."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: PrayerSpeak Up┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy was kneeling beside his bed with his mother and grandmother and softly saying his prayers, "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family and please give me a good night's sleep."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Suddenly he looked up and shouted, "And don't forget to give me a bicycle for my birthday!!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "There is no need to shout like that," said his mother. "God isn't deaf."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No," said the little boy, "but Grandma is."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: RednecksMedical Dictionary┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Artery: The study of paintings.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Barium: What to do when patients die.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Benign: What you be after you be eight.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Catscan: Hunting for Kitty.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Colic: A sheep dog.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Coma: A punctuation mark.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ DandC: Where Washington is.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Dilate: To live long.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Enema: Not a friend.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Fester: Quicker than the other guy.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Fibula: A small lie.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Genital: Non-Jewish person.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ G.I. Series: World series of military baseball.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Impotent: Distinguished, well known.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Lower G.I.: Privates and Corporals.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Node: Not a doubt.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Outpatient: A person who has fainted.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Post Operative: A letter carrier.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Rectum: Damn near killed him.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Secretion: Hiding something.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Seizure: Roman emperor.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Tablet: A small table.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Tumor: One more than one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Urine: Opposite of you're out.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Upper G.I.: Colonels and Generals.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Varicose: Near by/close by.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: SportsThe Amazing Golf Ball┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The other guy replies, "I found it."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: CopsCatholic Police Nuns┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 166 a few miles ago."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyNot So Long Ago┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Not so long ago....┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ An application was for employment┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A program was a TV show┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A cursor used profanity┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A keyboard was a piano!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Memory was something that you lost with age.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A CD was a bank account┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Compress was something you did to garbage not to a file.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Log on was adding wood to a fire.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Hard drive was a long trip on the road.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And a backup happened to your commode!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Cut - you did with a pocket knife.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Paste you did with glue.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A web was a spider's home.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And a virus was the flu!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ And the memory in my head.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: KidsThe Earthworm┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: BibleThe Christian Barber┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: StupidityThe English Language┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ In celebration of the complexities of the English language, we bring you the following: Lets face it English is a stupid language.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted but if we examine its paradoxes we find:- that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables why don't humanitarians eat human!? Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day and as cold as hell on another? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language:- whereby a house can burn up as it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out. A bell is only heard once it goes!┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all)View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: FaithDivine Advice┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a pastor and poured out his story of tears and woe.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ When he had finished, the pastor said, "Here's what I want you to do, put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A year later the businessman went back to the pastor and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom- tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket and gave it to the pastor as a donation in thanks for his advice.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The pastor recognized the benefactor, and was curious. "You did as I suggested?" he asked.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely," replied the businessman.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You went to the beach?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Absolutely."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "And what were the first words you saw?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Chapter 11."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: ChurchFaithful With Much┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: AnimalsCat Collector┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ To which the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Men vs. WomenWhatever You Want┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ So God made him a woman!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MiscellaneousNun In A Cab┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1) you have to be single and┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2) you must be Catholic."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ He does and the nun kisses him. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out. "My dear child, why are you crying?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: MothersName Those Twins┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Denise."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Denephew. "View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: Sunday SchoolDust to Dust┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "That's right son, why?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Well that's just what they said at church today."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ "Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die. Once again mother said yes son.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ The little boy looked at her and said, then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: TechnologyMaxims of the Internet Age┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. Home is where you hang your @┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5. Great groups from little icons grow.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7. C: is the root of all directories.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9. The modem is the message.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10. Too many clicks spoil the browse..┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11. The geek shall inherit the earth.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12. A chat has nine lives.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13. Don't byte off more than you can view.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 14. Fax is stranger than fiction.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 15. What boots up must come down.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 16. Windows will never cease.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 17. Virtual reality is its own reward.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 18. Modulation in all things.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 19. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 20. There's no place like http://www.home.com┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 21. Know what to expect before you connect.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 22. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 23. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend
Today's category: LoveChristian Pick-Up Lines┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 1. Nice bible"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 2. "I would like to pray with you"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 3. "You know Jesus? Me too!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 4. "God told me to come talk to you"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 5. "I know a church where we could go and talk"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 6. "How about a hug, sister?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 7. "Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 8. "Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug!"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 9. "Oh, you're cold? Maybe we should read Ecclesiastes 4:11"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 10. "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 11. "What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 12. "I am here for you."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 13. "The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," So...how about dinner?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 14. "You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 15. "You want to come over and watch "The 10 Commandments" tonight?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 16. "Is it a sin that you stole my heart?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 17. "Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 18. "Nice bracelet. 'What would Jesus date? Uh, I mean *do*'"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 19. "Do you believe in Divine appointment?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 20. "Have you ever tried praying at a drive in before?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 21. "Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 22. "My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's his name."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 23. "You know, they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 24. "Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 25. "What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace by candle light."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 26. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?"┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 27. "You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 28. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 29. "I'm pretty flexible - I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 30. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 31. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ ┬ 32. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."View hundreds more jokes online.Email this joke to a friend

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